boy has it been a long time since i was here. this blog is still
plastered with my old username and urls and apparently the last thing i
talked about was being in tokyo. so like two years or something lmfao
so. what all has happened. i dropped out of college, thank god. my
final semester i was on the verge of a straight up nervous breakdown and
having panic attacks every day because of the pressure of school. ive
decided that school is cool for some people, but not for me. im still a
graphic designer, but now im ~director~ of marketing design and im also a
publisher now. i make magazines and brochures and billboards and all
sorts of fun things. i truly love what i do. since i was last on here i
can promise you i am twice the designer i was in 2014.
ive moved about 7000 more times. ive lived in 14 zip codes in this
city now. kinda hilariously i dont really want to leave. next april i
head back to japan for a few months and my long-delayed latvia trip
still looms in the future, but i love vegas and want to live here till
the end. even though i still feel the big empty void in my heart that is
homesickness for roppongi every day.
my dad has been in and out of my life. he stole a lot of stuff from
me and my family and has been super strange, but earlier this year my
sister and i went to my cousins' house and found that he had been laying
in his bed for two weeks with holes in his colon (we found this out from a doctor, he was really just laying there in agony not knowing why). if we hadn't showed up
and dragged him to the hospital, he would have died. he's changed since
then, he texts more often and randomly asks to hang out. he has a
girlfriend and lives in an rv. ive made my peace with what he's done and
told him i will probably never trust him again, but he's a fun guy to
hang out and eat longanisa with.
my mom bought a house this week. this is a huge deal because we
have been massively poor since i was born and none of us ever thought
she would be able to ever ever ever buy a house. it's a mobile home but
it feels like a mid-century cottage and despite the fact that it's
cheap, i can tell she already feels like it's her forever home. im so
proud of her i could never put it into words.
i was diagnosed with ocd last winter and its becoming more and more
obvious to me that it has been this big life controlling thing that i
just never realized was there. ive had problems with self harm because
im constantly scared bugs are nesting in my skin if im not clean enough
so i try to dig or cut them out. it isnt very fun but whenever i step
back and look at it from an outside perspective i can always see that
it's just my ocd talking to me again.
im in the long and boring process of changing my legal name,
shortening lina to just li, and swapping my white ass middle name for
kai, a rarely used genderless name in the philippines (and also partially
because of ky kiske lets be real here). it's super tedious and i have to
go to court and then change my drivers license and everything so that
sucks. i also have to change my address and everything ever because i move around so much.
all in all not a lot has changed, which i think is a good thing.
still venting my frustration by writing crappy roleplay posts and
participating half-assedly in nanowrimo twice a year, still traveling
for anime cons and shenanigans with online friends, still neck deep in
transformers despite trying to claw my way out of it for a decade. i
draw on an ipad that my boss gifted me for christmas. i live with my
best friends in a condo with stars and galaxies painted on the walls. i
have a shitty little white car with a cowboy bebop sticker on it. i'm
team instinct and i have a magnemite that i love more than the whole
world. i play a very bad genji. i'm starting to play vault tec workshop
to ruin peoples lives. i'm still on tera just about 24/7, loitering in
velika square with my lancers.
i got on this blog originally to talk about my childhood home. my
grandma passed away in february so the ownership of her house (the one i
grew up in and moved back into last winter, after her alzheimers got so
bad that she had to go to a senior home) passed to my mom and my aunt.
they have to sell it in order to pay off their own homes, so right now
is the last time i get to be here at this house.
it's super surreal. i felt like this house would always be the one thing i could come back to and now it's finally going away. i had a lot of time to say goodbye to my grandma before she forgot who i was, but the house getting sold is so sudden and weird. i feel like i'm losing another family member all of the sudden. i have so many memories in these walls and i could talk about it forever but i'm sure you get the gist of it. it's hard to let go of this place. but i'm trying to make my last memories my best, the past two months have been so much fun and we aren't gonna stop dancing to shitty nightcore in this gigantic kitchen until the day we have to give up the keys to the door.
so am i gonna use this blog again?? who knows tbh. i never was able to talk at length on tumblr (i also hate tumblr and people stalk me on there lmao but thats another story for another day) and twitter. well. we all know twitter. so idk. i went over 2 years of my life in a few hundred words so i'm not interesting enough to warrant weekly posts like i used to make when i thought of myself as more important lmao. go get a birthday cake slurpee i promise they are nasty but also super delicious goodbye
